Postcards From A Collector: Damn It Gym!

by Sal Rodriguez

I workout fairly often. Of course, there’s a Toys “R” Us on the way, so…I gotta stop there. And the gym is open twenty-four hours and TRU isn’t, so…I gotta go on the way instead of afterwards because otherwise they’ll be closed by the time I get out of the gym. And Kmart is not that far out of the way. Those two intersections are pretty long, but really, it’s only a few blocks. So…TRU, Kmart, then the gym. Yes, the gym is open twenty-four hours, so I can go in a little bit. I might as well stop by the two horror collectibles stores also. I’ll go to those two places, then the gym.

One of the places is way overpriced. So I’ll just browse their aisles and decide what I’m going to buy online because it’s definitely cheaper online. Crap. With shipping this NECA Leatherface figure is the same price here in person as it is online. Fine. I’m surprised I found this figure at a fair price here. Maybe I should just hit the gym now? Well the other store is on the way so it won’t even be a big deal at all to stop there. I have cash, right? Yes. That place offers cash prices. Bring cash.

If no one is hovering over me, I’m just going to start comparing prices right now on my phone. Well, that’s kind of rude. It feels weird doing that. So what! The owner always checks eBay before selling his stuff, so why not check eBay before buying his stuff?! Still feels weird doing it in here. I’ll act like I need to make a phone call and step outside. Remember: Universal Monsters Wolfman figure, Planet of the Apes Taylor figure by Medicom, and Bandai Alien figure.

Let’s see what’s on eBay…damn! Medicom also makes a Taylor in loin cloth figure? Okay, this guy on eBay is selling the Taylor astronaut figure for $30. I’ll offer this store owner $30 cash and see if he takes it. Cool. Do I need another Wolfman figure? I can skip that for now. And geez…what was that third one? Pumpkinhead? Damn! Okay, I’ll just walk back in, and offer him $30 cash for the Planet of the Apes figure then get to the gym. “Hi. That Taylor figure, will you take $30 cash for it? You will? Great!” (Insert: ‘cold, dead hand’ joke here.) “Sure, I’d love a bag if you can spare one.”

Oh yeah! Toys “R” Us! Almost forgot. I’ll just pull into my usual space. “Hey Rick! What’s up man? How’s the newlywed life? Hey, you guys really removed all the Breaking Bad figures from the shelves? You sending them back to Mezco? No? Toys “R” Us letting you just take them home? No? What’s that you say? They made you destroy them? Are you serious?! What is this a book burning?! Geez. So…nothing new out there since Sunday? Cool. Where’s Kathy? Tell her I said hi. All right man. I’ll see you soon.”

This Kmart always sucks. I don’t even know why I come here. I might have found one thing in three years here. And why is the freezing air conditioning vent right above the WWE figures?! I need a jacket to look at figures here! Oh look, a new John Cena figure. That’s exciting. Well at least they have a bathroom. I wonder if that cute girl is working in the shoe department tonight. Okay, restroom, shoe department, Target, then the gym.

This Target never has anything! Why do I come here? I mean really! They have nothing! EVER! I guess I’ll get some cat food. Do I need paper towels? Oh look, Princess Leia still warming the pegs. Reduce the price already! Tell you what, Target, make her $9.99 and I’ll buy another just to help you make room for ANY new Star Wars Black Series. Employees here must definitely be in cahoots with the scalpers. I mean, how come there’s never ANYTHING here? What time is it? I’m hungry. I hate working out on an empty stomach. How about I pick up a burger, go home, and take pics of my figs for the Facebook groups? Sounds good.

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