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Saturday Matinee: Matinee Idols

by Patrick Gibbs

Today, our theme is adventure. Excitement. World travel. We'll be looking at action figures of action figures, if you will; globe trotting thrill seekers who will go anywhere at any time, by any means, to seek out treasure, knowledge, even magical mysteries that mankind was not meant to understand. Fortune and glory, kid. Fortune and glory.

These bold and intrepid explorers all sought some form of immortality, and they have found it, as they are preserved forever in plastic, vinyl, and acrylic.

Our first entry is an obvious choice, but no article on the subject would be complete without him: Dr. Henry Jones, Jr, also known as Indiana Jones.

RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK (1981)

In the summer of 1981, the world met a new kind of hero. Adventure now had a name, and it was Indiana Jones. Raiders of the Lost Ark is the reason why movies are my life, and as a piece eye popping, transportive, entertainment it has yet to be topped, in my humble opinion.

We followed Indy through three subsequent adventures: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984), Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989) and, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008). All three sequels have their detractors (yes, even Last Crusade, a perfect film as far as I'm concerned, has people who complain that they turned Sean Connery into a wimp, or that the tone was too light, proof positive that people on the internet can find fault with anything whether it exists or not). Personally, I have enjoyed them all (some more than others). But no question about it, Raiders is the standard by which all other adventure films are judged.

RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK INDIANA JONES (Hasbro)

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For reasons that I will never understand, we can get multiple Han Solo figures that bare a strong facial resemblance to Harrison Ford, but not an Indiana Jones. The splotch of gray stubble on the face makes him look like a cartoon hobo.

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The full figure looks good - the clothing details are all well done - and he's very usable for play. He stands 3.75" tall.

ARTICULATION:

This is what I like best about Hasbro: these are the guy that gave us G.I. JOE, and their figures can move, baby. Indy has functional knee and elbow joints, bends at the waist to stand or sit, and his hands can grasp his weapons.

ACCESSORIES:

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Indy comes with a Top Secret Army Crate (though it is far too small to possibly hold the Ark of the Covenant, which kind of bugs me) as well as a pistol, and of course, his trusty bullwhip.

This is not a perfect figure, but a must have for fans like myself. My twin brother and I are obsessive Spielberg fans, and Indy is really the centerpiece of our Spielberg collectables display.

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Moving on, let's take a stroll down mammary lane with an adventurer who is truly one (okay, two) of a kind: Lady Lara Croft.

TOMB RAIDER (2001)

This one is a double feature (double d, even). I'm going to state outright that this is one of my all time guiltiest pleasure movies. The plot is weak and disjointed, and it's been cut down and streamlined to play under two hours (following the standard studio theory that if you can't make it better, at least make it shorter). As a rule of thumb, video game movies never work: the plots and characters don't translate to feature length, and there is always an odd feeling of detachment. In my opinion, Tomb Raider worked better than the average film in the genre because: A) Lady Lara Croft is far more memorable than the average video game character, and B) it captures the feel of the game perfectly, in the sense that you have no idea what is going on but it's a hell of a lot of fun just to watch her run around.

The selling points for this movie are: some fun and creative actions sequences, and most importantly, Angelina Jolie.

I fell in love with Angelina Jolie, and Lara Croft, after watching this move.

TOMB RAIDER LARA CROFT VS. S.I.M.O.N. (Playmates Toys)

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The Lara figure stands at 6 inches, and the detail work is exquisite. The face looks quite a bit like Jolie, and the body proportions are perfect. The detail work all over is very impressive, from the gun garters to the way certain muscles are flexed. As a display figure, this is really a terrific piece to have in your collection.

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ARTICULATION:

Lara can move her head from side to side, and her arms, which point forward, can move up and down. That's it. The legs are completely immobile. This is not a figure for multiple poses or action (unless you want to have her jump up and ice someone, but that gets old pretty quick).

ACCESSORIES:

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Lara comes with two silver pistols, which she is designed to hold. They fall out of her hands very easily, and I chose to Kragle* them to her hands for safety .

There is also a pillar from the ruins of a jungle temple that serves as a good mount, and allows her to get higher up to face her enemy, S.I.M.O.N., a training robot designed to keep Lara in practice and ready for a fight. To answer your question, the acronym doesn't stand for anything: the name Simon is POSSIBLY a nod to Jolie's trainer, Simon Crane, but considering that Daniel Craig's character (who is just a generic good looking guy there to provide eye candy and sexual tension with Lara - yes, before he was Bond, Daniel Craig was a Bond Girl - is named Alex West, it seems most likely that Simon is also a nod to the film's humble director, Simon West (Con Air, The Expendables 2) The coolest thing about S.I.M.O.N. is also the most annoying thing about him: his arms are not only detachable, but they are projectiles, so you can have Lara shoot them off of him. This is awesome, but he's pretty sensitive, so picking him up without shooting one of his arms onto the floor can be a bit challenging. The figure has been discontinued but can be found on sites such as Amazon or eBay, or at conventions.

And our final adventurer is, like Dr. Jones, a scholar and even a Professor. And like Indy, he has faced down many formidable and mystical enemies. Or at least, that is the way he tells it . . .

HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS (2001)

When young Harry Potter enters his second year at Hogwarts, he meets his new Defense Against the Dark Arts Teacher: Gilderoy Lockhart (Kenneth Branagh).

HARRY POTTER DUELING CLUB GILDEROY LOCKHART (Mattel)

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The facial likeness to Kenneth Branagh is the main selling point here, and it's uncanny, by the best of the early Mattel Potter figures, which usually went for somewhere in between the acts from the films and the illustrations from the original books.

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Standing at 8 and 1 half inches, Lockhart comes in a gold, cloth robe, which in this case was a good choice: Gilderoy loves his expensive clothes, and the robe is high quality. It is also removable so he can be in his dueling outfit, which makes him look like a man action (it's basically a fencing uniform).

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ARTICULATION: Knee and elbow joints, fully extendable arms and legs, wrists that swivel - you could make this guy fight if he wasn't such a coward. His head moves side to side.

ACCESSORIES: One gold wand, for dueling and memory enchantments.

FAVORITE COLOR: Lilac (not pictured)

This was a "must have" figure that I came across at a con, and he's up there with John McClane for the jealously he causes from other collectors. I have a lot of fun with this figure.

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He's discontinued, along with the rest of the Mattel Harry Potter line (NECA has some excellent Potter figures), but he pops up on eBay or Amazon, or at cons, for a reasonable price. This is one to snag quickly if you have the opportunity.

Great adventure lies ahead with any of these figures. As Indy would say, "Trust me."

*Kragle is a reference to The Lego Movie (2014), and means Krazy Glue. If you haven't seen that movie, I'm not sure why you are on a toy website. If you have, join us on Facebook and on YouTube (subscribe, be happy)!

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