Throughout the ages, Cupid has sallied forth, shooting his arrows through the hearts of lovers everywhere. He has hit me on more than one occasion, but sadly, the women he sets my eyes on are all way too good at ducking. Either that or he just can't shoot worth a damn. Either way, the result is that I'm 40, single and reviewing action figures for a website on Valentine's Day. Our theme today, therefore, is archery, and the greatest men and women in the movies to ever wield a bow. If any one of these characters could step in for Cupid for just one day, would my life be any different, I wonder? I will try to keep my comments on most of the films brief. You don't need me to tell you that The Lord of The Rings is the best damn trilogy in the history of film, or that when it comes to hitting his target, nobody does it better than Legolas Greenleaf.
The Two Towers / Helms Deep Legolas in Rohan Armor by ToyBiz
Standing at 6" inches, this is a great figure. Outstanding attention to detail sets this figure apart as something special. Not only does it look more like Orlando Bloom than Bloom himself did in The Hobbit, but the intricacy and attention to accuracy on his costume is really remarkable.
ARTICULATION: Decent, if not truly great. Elbow and knee joints and basic arm movement (slightly hampered by his armor, but do you need to swivel his arms all the way around?) The arms move out at the elbows as well, and the wrists swivel. The head turns side to side.
ACCESSORIES: The elf knows how to accessorize. He comes with his two elven knives, a sword, a handful of arrows you can actually remove from the quiver and his bow given to him by Galadriel. The detail work on the accessories matches the figure, with elven symbols and writing on the weapons and quiver. And he actually shoot arrows with his bow across the room.
Just like the character does at the Battle of Helms Deep, this figure from Toy Biz absolutely kicks ass. Our next archer is more grounded in reality than the others in the group, making spectacular shots but never defying the laws of physics or even splitting an arrow. Instead she is content to split the hearts of boys. I speak of none other than the Girl On Fire herself, Katniss Everdeen. Whether your name is Gale, Edward, Jacob, Peeniss, or whatever, you cannot have The Mockingjay. You can be near her. You can fight alongside her. You can even snuggle her to sleep in your arms every night on board a train when she is scared even though she doesn't have time to think about your feelings but is fully aware of them and yet totally fails to see where this request might be leading you on just the tiniest bit, and you can even kiss her and be kissed if the world is watching, but while they say no man is an island, Katniss Everdeen is no man, and she could provide a permanent home for Giligan, Tom Hanks and the entire cast of Lost, because she must focus on survival, on caring for her family, on revenge, on freedom, and above all, the writer that pulls her strings must draw this out to three books (four movies) and unfortunately can't come up with anything even resembling an ending. The Hunger Games Katniss in Training Day Outfit by NECA
Despite the name of the figure, she is not wearing a leather jacket, beanie, a badge and gold chains. That's a different Training Day outfit. Standing at 7", Katniss is a testament to NECA's trademark detail and style. She looks great, and while the facial resemblance to the lovely and ridiculously talented Jennifer Lawrence isn't quite perfect, it's very good, and the body is dead on (don't judge me), as is the hair.
ARTICULATION: Shoulder and elbow joints, swiveling wrists, and the ability to swivel 360 degrees at the hips (presumably because even Katniss herself cant resist checking out Jennifer Lawrence's butt.)
The head tilts up, down, and side to side. My complaint with the articulation is that for all of the work put into the arms, you'd think the right arm would be able to bend into firing position so she can shoot her bow. I tried for more than an hour to put her in firing position and succeeded only in ripping her left hand off FIVE TIMES. This is where it is fair to say that NECA does not make "action figures" they make "FIGURINES" that are awesome for display, perhaps the best on the market, but not well suited to action. ACCESSORIES: A bow and three arrows.
Next up is one of my favorite figures in my collection because of his combination of nostalgic and camp value. Robin of Locksley, also known as Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves.
Now, I'm not going to try to claim that this is a great movie by any means, but it's not the cancerous polyp on the anus of cinema that it gets made out to be, and neither is Kevin Costner's performance among the worst in the history of film. There is no doubt that he didn't pull off the accent (the sad part is that, contrary to popular belief, he actually is tried to), nor did he make a very good Robin Hood. But he did make a very good Indiana Jones, and when the movie plays as Indy in the middle ages, complete with the Arab sidekick, it's really a lot of fun. Robin's accuracy with the bow makes for some of the film's best moments: planting the arrows in the ground so he can shoot them in quick succession when the Celts are attacking Sherwood; shooting Will Scarlet through the hand just before he can throw a knife in Robin's back; biting a feather off the arrow so it curves in flight so he can shoot two soldiers simultaneously (shut up, it's no more ridiculous than the way Indy can wrap the whip so securely around literally anything so that it can hold his full weight as he swings across but detaches easily with a single flick of his wrist.). There is a lot to criticize about this film: shoddy production values (specially in terms of editing), a muddled script, and performances that are at best hit and miss. The blame for almost all of these things lies on Morgan Creek Productions for rushing the film and not allowing director Kevin Reynolds and his cast time to rehearse, or even in casting Costner in the first place. Can we really blame Kevin for saying yes to the role? What actor, male or female, wouldn't jump at the chance to play Robin Hood if asked? If you want to hate someone, hate the producer who came up with the idea, James G, Robinson. Bottom Line: this is a very flawed movie that I have an attachment to because it played to me at the time. Costner had just changed my whole way of viewing film with Dances With Wolves, and I have already established my obsession with Indiana Jones. You combine those two things with Robin Hood, and there was just so much appeal that, at the time (and as a 14 year old), it was easy for me to ignore the cavalcade of flaws and just enjoy the crap out of it.
Long Bow ROBIN HOOD From Kenner
At 3.75 inches tall, this is basically an old school Star Wars action figure. But here's the interesting part: I got my hands on two of these figures. While the first one looks a lot like Costner in his classic medieval mullet, take look at the second one: is this a figure that somehow sipped in from an alternate universe where Tony Danza played Robin? Or did Kenner get hassled by lawyers who told them they did not have permission to use Costner's likeness?
ARTICULATION: Legs go forward and back, and he arms g up, down, and all around. Robin may no be able to fight or fire his bow, but if any of your action figures is called upon to do the hokey pokey, well then, he is, in the words of Costner himself in the film, " mo' powful then tin hyad sowjuhs."
Let the archery tournament begin...HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!
- Try your marksmanship skills -