SECTION 1: The Realm Reviewed
S5E9 A Dance of Dragons
Lucifer - There's only 1 episode left for season 5 and things are about as wild and crazy as they are going to get all things considered. The horrible death of a child, a Lord Commander with his days potentially numbered and a Queens political decisions seem to be a flop. Let's start with Stannis, a Stag Family tradition: Baratheon + War = Insanity! There are many upset fans over Shireen's death, how would you recap this?
Meera - Stannis Baratheon is marooned in the snow, his troops are starving, and now the attack by Ramsey Bolton. Even though Melisandre is looking into her flames, she never sees them coming, and Stannis orders the guards to be punished, but says nothing to his red witch. He sends Ser Davos back to Castle Black with a letter demanding food and fodder and men. Ser Davos gives poor lonely Shireen a toy stag he's made for her and hears one last story before kissing her goodbye. Stannis has become so desperate after Ramsey's attack that he is driven to do the unspeakable..sacrifice his only child to the fire in hope that Rh'llor will give them a way to Winterfell and victory. (more in section 3)
Lucifer - the R'hllor priestess has an agenda that goes beyond Stannis, he's just a Pawn too. Mel's unspoken mission is clearly to have him in Kings Landing when Dany arrives. She has told him several times "I see you in the flames", I think that means literally in the flames of dragon fire, sacrificing his daughter is a prelude to his own demise.
Meera - The people of Westeros will never follow him now. Stannis has clearly gone mad in this fanfiction adaptation, and the kingslayer is cursed by both gods and men, but fear not good people, Shireen is alive and well in the books, at the Nightfort, with the queen and her men, and Patchface the fool. You can visit her, if you #ReadTheBooks
Lucifer - How about the Night's Watch? Jon is most likely a deadman walking!(no pun intended) It will be interesting to see how it all plays out with an altered plot. I'm anxious to hear your opinion.
Meera - The Lord Commander doesn't look like a man coming home. Though he's saved some of the wildlings at Hardhome, he's seen the thousands of wights headed for Castle Black. His men look upon him as a traitor, half-wildling, who's bringing the enemy to the wrong side of The Wall. And Ollie Will is as snarky as ever. Wun Weg Wun Dar Wun can pull his arm off and I won't care.
Lucifer - Heck yeah, Wun Wun is awesome! If Ollie does hurt Jon in this interpretation, Wun Wun should ram him into the ground like a post, screw the ripped out limb!
Meera - That would certainly be something to see! On another note, Jaime and Prince Doran Martell have reached an agreement that nothing will happen. Good. Nothing has happened in Dorne all season, why change now? Bronn gets a slap on the face, which means he can still sing next year and everyone is happy. The plot to start a war is outed, and a very thin plot it was.. (Myrcella-my necklace was stolen! Ellaria-yeah I did that. Doran-Everyone out of the water gardens!)
Now Trystane and Myrcella are going back to Kings Landing, and Trystane will take up his uncle's seat on the council. Might Fighting Sand Snakes playing slap in jail..ooh such tough girls.
Lucifer - I definitely expected more of a fight from the Sand Snakes than what we got, and in all actuality Jamie might want to take his niece/daughters advice and stay right where he's at. They will all be in for a rude awakening when they arrive in Blackwater Bay.
Meera - In Braavos, Mace Tyrell arrives with Ser Meryn Trant and tries to negotiate the Lannisters debt by bursting into song. Perhaps he wants the Iron Bank to think he's a madman. Arya abandoned her mission to kill the "thin man" the minute she sees Ser Meryn, following him into a whorehouse where she discovers his penchant for very, very young girls.
This might be part of the "Mercy" plot mixed with the ADwD storyline, it's hard to tell because it's so garbled, but let's assume that next week Ser Meryn is going to meet Mercy.
Lucifer - it's definitely a hybrid plot, another streamlined sequence of events from D & D. That said I'm actually inline with Jaqen's quote about the entire matter "it is all the same to the Many Faced God" What I mean by that is, as long as the people who are suppose to die do die, I'm happy.
Well what's your take on the attack in Mereen this week? Dany presides over the games in Danzak's great pit in Mereen, but the background story has all been cut away so all the splendor added to this last hurrah is wasted..
The characters are sitting there explaining what's happening, why they're doing what they're doing, because this story was very poorly told all season. We missed..Tokars, Strong Belwas, poisoned locusts, the Green Grace, the follies, Dany saves Tyrion and Penny, Barsena Blackhair vs a boar..
Lucifer - Yes, the entire dynamic and back stories between Tyrion, Jorah and Dany appears to have been extremely streamlined. Is this one of those necessary reinterpretations? Perhaps yes, perhaps no... What I can say comfortably is - if they would have filmed Tyron's 8+ months of travel and the full spread of the fighting pits scenario, it would have pretty much ate up an entire season. That tells me that they were weary of not having the same problem they ran into with Bran in Season 4.
Meera - So many things that we are left with Daenerys Stormborn being just, "that girl with the dragons," one of many ruined storylines that we'll wait for in season 6.
Lucifer - A true fan can only hope but season 6 is still far away none the less, next week should be the talk for now. Many rumors are stating that episode 10 will break the Internet. That sounds almost impossible to do after these last 2 episodes, we should all prepare our selves to say goodbye to a few more Characters. I expect the season finally to be one of the most taxing cliffhangers to date with the series.
SECTION 2: Collecting Westeros
A Name Unspoken
There are only 12 Legacy Collection figures to date for Game of Thrones, this week we will take a further look into a mistake made by both Funko and the Game of Thrones television series. Numbered 4 of 12 in series 1 this figure is simply labeled as "White Walker" however, he also goes by a more legendary name. Although never spoken of by name in the series as of yet, most book reading fans know him as Coldhands. I'm not really sure of why the decision was made to not call him by his proper name but I imagine it's a similar reasoning to changing Theon's sisters name in the TV series.
D & D felt that Asha was too close to Osha and changed her name, since Coldhands has never been mentioned by name I'm assuming they felt this would be confusing as well. I can understand that to a certain degree but the the truth is that he's more than just your average undead snow zombie, he's Coldhands, an entity and sentinel of the Long Night's power. You can even argue that he has a more pivotal role then Night's King, an important characters name reduced to its most simplistic form.
A mysterious friend to Bran Stark and his companions beyond The Wall, Coldhands by his own admission was a Ranger of The Watch. His hands are hard and black and he never feels the cold. He met Meera, Jojen, Bran and Hodor at the Nightfort, when they passed through the black gate, telling them the wall is warded with spells and he could not pass through. He took them all the way north to the Three-Eyed Raven. Of all the wights, he is the only one gifted with speech and self consciousness, making him unique among the undead of GOT/ASOIAF.
We have covered several Funko made Game of Thrones figures on this website and I saved this one for the end portion of season 5 because I wanted to express my concerns related to it. Over all it is just as good of a figure as the other Legacy Collection items I've reviewed before so I didn't want to bore you with a repeat on articulation and quality of the toy itself. Instead I hope I served you an enlightening piece of information for TV series watchers and a shout out to all the book savvy toy collectors that may have noticed this discrepancy.
Names and backstory are the blood essence of the World of Ice and Fire, leaving a name such as Coldhands unsaid is counterproductive in the grand scheme of things in my opinion. #CollectingWesteros
SECTION 3: Hall of the Dead
The Sacrifice of Shireen
One of the most terrible Hall of the Deads we have done thus far - The death/sacrifice of Shireen Baratheon was vile and upsetting to say the least, a pure hearted and innocent girl devoured by the Lord of Light never to be seen again.
This is the Hall of the Dead. Pay your respects to the fallen of Season 5. These are the men and women who have gone to meet their gods.
* - Named character
^ - Supporting role/extra
Valar Morghulis -
S5E1 - S5E8
* White Rat
* Mance Rayder
^ Sons of the Harpy agent
* Mossador
^ Braavosi peasant
* Janos Slynt
^ Brothel Patron
^ 4 Dornish Knights
^ Sea Captain
^ 10 - 12 Unsullied
^ 16 - 24 Sons of the Harpy
^ 3 - 5 Second Sons
* Ser Barristan Selmy
^ Mereen Master
^ 3 - 5 Stonemen
^ Braavosi young female
* Maester Aemon Targaryen
^ 5 - 7 Pit Fighter slaves
^ 2000 - 3000 Wildlings
* Rattleshirt/Lord of Bones
S5E9 ^ 300 - 500 People in The Fighting Arena Ambush
Unsullied, Sons of the Harpy, Mereen citizens, Pit fighters and others including Dany's new husband all dead from fighting each other or by Drogon's fire breathing.
* Shireen Baratheon, only surviving trueborn child of Stannis I Baratheon and Selyse of House Florent. Due to contracting grayscale in the cradle, she lived her early years in isolation for fear of passing the disease to others. Later, because of her scars, she became very shy, but much loved by Maester Cressen, and Ser Davos, and her fool, Patchface, who was utterly devoted to her and followed her everywhere. She loved to read, and sing, and she loved her parents.
Her last conversation with her father had to do with the choices a person must make. "A man must choose who he is and fulfill his destiny. It's out of my hands." Shireen responds, " Let me help you father, I want to help you." Shireen Baratheon died at the hands of Melisandre, a priestess of Rh'llor, a sacrifice so that her father might reach Winterfell and defeat the Boltons.
* Total deaths for Season 5 so far (Grand total estimated)
Conservative: 2361 - 2366 (Worst case scenario: up to 4 or 5 thousand plus deaths)
Named Character total: 08
Valar Dohaeris -