Jesus Christ. Prophet, messiah…action figure? What started as just another odd piece in an ever-growing figure collection has turned into what is now The World’s Largest Jesus Christ Action Figure Collection©. And to celebrate this weekend’s oddly egg-based Easter holiday, I thought it’d be a great time to show off some of the strangest religious toys out there. So without further ado, I give you 20 fake plastic Jesuses.
Rainfall Toys – Bible Greats: Jesus (1991)
My first Jesus figure is still one of my favorites. I bought the toy at a Family Bookstore in the early 90’s. I remember this particular Jesus being pricey, like around $14.99 or so, but I guess that makes sense considering it comes with a cassette tape. Other figures in the line included John the Baptist, Peter, and David & Goliath. I have found over the years that there’s a pretty standard formula for what characters are included in Christian-themed toy lines. They’re always from the Old Testament and come from the tales that are highest in “moral fiber” in subject and story.
Firstly, the card art is fantastic. A happy Jesus nuzzling a lamb sitting cliff-side in front of what looks to be some trippy smoke effects at a Pink Floyd show. The actual figure looks pissed though and he’s easily the hardest looking Jesus in my collection. It doesn’t help that the eyes are painted off-center and it looks like he has one that is clouded over. The headsculpt is reminiscent of low quality 3 ¾-inch scale figures from the 80’s and the outfit looks like it’s a piece of torn blue sweatpants over an old torn t-shirt. Rainfall does get points for getting the skin tone correct. He’s clearly not the happy-go-lucky white guy depicted on the card.
Rainfall Toys – Bible Greats: Jesus, Lord of All (1995)
I want to jump to this version next because it’s pretty much the same Rainfall figure, but in an updated package that screams the 1990’s. The teal/purple/orange deco is what sets off the 90’s look and this time Rainfall has omitted the outdated cassette tape and added “5 Collectable Trading Cards.” I like that the first one you see in the box is “Jesus Is Crucified,” which lands right above the “ages 4-9” note. Also, Rainfall is now claiming that his costume is “authentic,” but it’s the same torn sweatpants/t-shirt combo we saw previously.
Wee Win Toys – Heroes of Kingdom: Jesus, King of Kings - 3 ¾-inch (1984)
Wee Win Toys (get it?) was the first company to produce Jesus toys with two different size figures that were released in 1984. The smaller version fights for the top spot in my Jesus collection just because how bizarre he looks. First, this is clearly a Caucasian Jesus. He’s got red hair and blue eyes. And check out the broad shoulders and big pecs! He must work out at the Lord’s Gym (I dunno if that’s a real thing, I’ve just seen the t-shirts). Also, what is up with the right foot being turned in? Is this some sort of creepy miracle or magic trick? The card art is also a little substandard. It looks like it may have been drawn by a high school kid and it’s odd that they depicted Christ doing bōjutsu at the shoreline. And, no, there is no included bo staff, but yes, you do get another cassette tape.
Wee Win Toys – Heroes of Kingdom: Jesus, King of Kings - 8-inch (1984)
Wee Win Toys also made one of the more spectacular vintage renditions of Jesus in a very Mego-esque 8-inch version. The card art is limited to just the “Heroes of Kingdom” logo (sweet chrome effect) and the sculpt is as good as any Mego sculpt from 10 years prior. The clothes are also better than we’ve seen on previous incarnations and this version, not surprisingly, comes with yet another cassette. However, this version DOES include the first accessory for a Jesus figure: his bo staff! I know, I know, it’s a walking stick or magic wand, but if Jesus is a “Hero of Kingdom,” he should be kicking some butt Donatello-style.
Rainfall Toys Calvary Hill Playset with Jesus Figure (1996)
When I purchased the Rainfall Toys Calvary Hill set a few years ago, it came with three figures that didn’t actually come with the playset initially. They are LIKELY just different versions of the Rainfall figures, but this time the skin tone is less dark and the eyes on the Jesus figure are much more clearly defined. He also has an improved outfit, but I’m not sure if that belonged to another one of the figures in the line. But the “Resurrection Playset” (as I call it) is a pretty sweet toy. You can crucify up to three figures at once and roll back the boulder and resurrect one or two at a time. I wish I had this for my G.I. Joe battles as a kid. Resurrected Storm Shadow would really have been unstoppable.
The Children’s Discovery Bible Action Figures – Jesus, Lord of All (1998)
We’re now into much more modern types of Christ toys and the quality of each figure does actually begin to increase. This version is your standard happy, teethy, white Jesus. The card art looks to be taken from an animated program or comic book, which shows Jesus either before he was about to dive into the pool or after he just finished a superb gymnastics routine. The line also included your typical cast of Bible characters: Samson, David & Goliath, and Moses. This Jesus stands out from the rest of the pack because comes with a brand new accessory: a bowl of 5 loaves and 2 fish—perfect for midnight snacking.
Train Up Child, Inc – Bible Action Figures: Jesus (1997)
I stumbled upon these Bible figures at the now defunct Children’s Toy Warehouse in 1997. Train Up Child, Inc took on a total of ten Biblical characters in their series and produced not only previously unreleased Adam and Eve figures, but also a Job figure that included his Satan-induced sores (yuck). Similar in design of the other Jesus figures from this era, this line is still easily available online. The quality of the figures are fair-to-midland and a few of the sculpts are kind of doofy, but they were innovative for reasons beyond including characters not usually seen before. One inventive feature was their re-sealable clamshell packages that included a removable background that could be clipped to a stand. If you purchased all ten figures, the cardbacks formed a comprehensive background. Another first for a line of Biblical figures was that Train Up Child produced the entire figure collection in two different skin colors, in both Caucasian and African-American tones, which speaks the company’s desire to stay diverse.
Accoutrements – Jesus Action Figure (2001)
Accoutrements has been making toys of odd historical characters for years now and one of their first figures was this version of Jesus. The coolest part about this figure is that Accoutrements gave the figure four wheels so Jesus can glide along surfaces with ease. The look of Jesus here is more hair-metal rock, than Jewish carpenter, but this figure is probably one of the most popular of all the Jesus figures out there. The figure completely lacked accessories though, but Accoutrements quickly made up for that with their next Christ figure.
Accoutrements – Deluxe Miracle Jesus Action Figure (2005)
Accoutrements upped their game with their second Jesus figure. The Deluxe Miracle Jesus Action Figure comes with another first in Jesus toys: glow-in-the-dark hands! He also comes with some great accessories. Included are five individual loaves and two fish and a large vessel that turns water into wine by simply flipping it over.
Dollar Tree, Inc – Bible Heroes: Jesus – 4-inch & 6-inch (2003)
I found these figures at the Dollar Tree in 2003 and they came in two very similar sizes (4-inch and 6-inch). The figures are oddly shaped and somewhat squat looking. The 4-inch version comes with a Bible Scene Play Mat and I’m curious what that entails because the 6-inch version didn’t come with it. A mat of sand maybe? There was a lot of sand back then. These are definitely the cheapest of all my Jesus figures—they are from The Dollar Tree. What I find odd about these figures is how much they resemble Kevin Smith, which is appropriate when talking about the next figure…
Graphitti Designs – Dogma: Buddy Christ (2000)
If you haven’t seen Kevin Smith’s religious send up Dogma, I highly recommend it. George Carlin is stupendous as Cardinal Glick and much of the all-star cast has gone on to do bigger and better things—like Batman and Jason Bourne. You may, however, recognize Buddy Christ from the interwebs and the thousands of memes that have been created using the shot of him from the movie. The toy is not so much an action figure but a dashboard statue, but still has the essence of a great collectible and certainly deserves a spot in my collection.
Mezco Toys – South Park: Jesus (2006)
Another version of Jesus from pop culture, Mezco produced a very extensive line of South Park figures from 2005-2008. South Park’s version of Jesus was a featured character during the early seasons of the show, but hasn’t shown up much recently. The figure’s best accessory is certainly the inclusion of the show’s depiction of God (a small, hairy hippo-like creature). Also this is the first time we see Jesus depicted with his halo, attached with clear rod to the back of the figure so it looks like it’s actually floating.
One2Believe – Messengers of Faith: Jesus Talking 12-inch Figures (2005/2007)
Even Jesus has had a few 1/6-scale incarnations. The first came from a company called One2Believe and was released in 2005. There are couple interesting things about this figure. First, he has been released twice—once in 2005 and again in 2007. The 2005 version had a sculpt that resembled a Doonesberry character and of course had blue eyes. It’s oddly cartoony and even more oddly Gary Trudeau-esque. The 2007 release was a little bit more realistic in design—and with brown eyes.
Another interesting factoid about this company is that in 2006 One2Believe donated 4000 of the “Messengers of Faith” figures to the Marine Reserve’s Toys for Tots program, but at first Toys for Tots didn’t want them. Initially, Bill Grein, VP of Toys for Tots, said the offer was turned down because Toys for Tots doesn’t know the religious affiliations of the children.
“We can’t take a chance on sending a talking Jesus doll to a Jewish family or a Muslim family,” Grein said. “Kids want a gift for the holiday season that is fun.”
Makes sense right? When you press the button on Jesus, the recorded message is “I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again.” Not exactly fun for days, but eventually Toys for Tots relented (due to public outcry) and in the end agreed to distribute the indoctrinating dolls.
Timecapsule Toys – Jesus Christ Talking 12-inch Figure (2005)
Timecapsule Toys, producers of the Talking Toy Presidents line (which I discussed in my recent article regarding political figures—click here), released a 12-inch talking Jesus doll in 2005. The figure contained a 4-minute long audio chip that spoke 26 different scriptures from the Bible. The headsculpt is probably the most accurately depicted version of Jesus we’ve seen that can be compared to various works portraying his image (if you disregard the blue eyes). The body is well articulated and the outfit is also nicely stitched. Under his robe, he’s even sporting the cloth-wrap underwear. That is some detail, but you’d never display him sans robe because he has numerous pinholes in his chest so you can hear that 4-minute lecture.
One2Believe – Tales of Glory: Jesus, The Son of God (2008)
In 2008, One2Believe was back with a line of miniature 3-inch figures called Tales of Glory, which were small, 3-piece playsets that told the tales of the Old Testament. This set included an unarticulated Jesus with a basket of loaves and fish accessory and some random figure of a kid. Pretty lame in my opinion—mostly because they were clearly made for younger children.
Biblequest – Jesus and the Tomb with Angel (2007)
Growing up, Biblequest was a horrible NES game that my super-religious friends had…and it sucked. This set has nothing to do with the game, so I’m not actually sure what a Biblequest includes, but the subtitle reads, “Unlock Your World With Questions.” Wouldn’t you “unlock your world” with answers? Questions would figuratively be the lock and…you know what—let’s just move on. I stumbled onto this set in a über-Christian catalog that was being sent to my house because the previous tenants had signed up for it. This set is pretty massive—the tomb alone it almost the size of a basketball and could have been cut down in size a little. The Jesus figure is impressive though. It’s the only figure of Jesus that includes stigmata and cloth outfit is nicely crafted. The angel is kind of unnecessary and doesn’t include a cloth outfit even though the figures in the rest of the line have them. A manger set was also made, but I don’t collect baby Christmas Jesus figures.
Mardel – The Beginner’s Bible: Jesus and the Cross Figurines (2013)
My most recent Jesus toy acquisition is pretty awesome. The Martel Jesus and the Cross set depicts Jesus like some 70’s hippy dad with a killer smile and thick beard. This is happy, white Jesus at his best! The cross is really just a background piece since Jesus is not articulated enough to be crucified on it, but the low quality of this set combined with it’s unique design makes it one of my current favorites.
And that is it—The World’s Largest Jesus Christ Action Figure Collection©. Most of the figures listed here are easily available online if you are interested in picking one or two (or ten) up for your own collections.
Just remember this weekend to hide the eggs from the chocolate bunnies and marshmallow chicks, sing carols, and fill a woven basket with fake grass and jellybeans—because Jesus is coming.
Yeah, sure, the Scientologists are the weird ones…